Division

I am a two timmer. You see my poppa was a rolling stone . Like a pendulum he vacillated between the the message from the pulpit and the women he pulled. Pits of hell is what the message has me fearin’ but my abba father must be hearin, what this shorty sayin’. I mean David danced around the law your word dictated , spiritually castrated , demonstrated the ways of the a double minded and yet you…….. Waited.

He’s a man after your own heart . Loved even before he changed his ways , so let me have a few more days . I’m weak , Let’s share the week. I mean can’t you tarry a little longer? You can have Sunday. I’ll come through and give you the obligatory hello. Lift My hands in agreement. amen. Let me tell you something .I’m divided. And the math is really funny.

I’m mean In seven days I live two lives
That only one pleases the three. The trinity must under stand this matrix. This code masked in long legs and thighs has me starvin’.
I’m honest .

Broken by temptation and the platitudes of daily life .
I’ll tithe when I’m rich
I’ll pick one woman when I’m ready
It’s all war between my flesh And my God. And my God…….
I’m divided . Searching for you seems so hard. I want my heart to long for you…. Always . Separated by the devices of man and an ill-advised meal in garden. I want your fruit to blossom in me. To be free from distraction and worldly attraction . Let your cup and the words from your lips be my only satisfaction.
Make me whole

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SAnta Barbara

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Pieces for the room

Got a small cast iron dish from smart and final . Not just a nice piece for the kitchen. One dope change/key/watch holder.

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New reading

Going through my goodreads list
Ralph Ellison is the homie.

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It’s my set

Been hittin the gym three times a week after work. Finally hit 225 on my bench!!!

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Echo park

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Living in the Solution

Living in the Solution blog post

2am to 9pm work pattern for a former drug dealer turn to get his life right
So  there are two magazine that I like to read. One of them being  GQ . A few nights ago I’m reading an article, yes there are articles in GQ , about this guy  who started a little league baseball league in the middle of one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in New Jersey, Camden . The coaches of this league are comprised of hometown boys who grew up in Camden. One of the coaches was a former dealer  who turned his life around. Between operating a fork lift and going back to school,  this dude was doing crazy hours!!!! 2am to 9pm for two years!!!!!! These long hours were an eye catcher in themselves , but what really caught me was the term to explain this period in this life; he was “living in the solution”.
You see, many people can find “solutions” or remedies to life’s ailments, but to find and to be in it are two diametrically opposing ideologies. When you are in the solution, you are insulated. for example, I see this bad chick walking to class, and she is destined to be my wife, the solution to this burning desire is to approach her , say “I like your backpack; it is Jansport”? and get married. People who are knowledgeable but lack the balls to act, are those who acknowledge these solutions, but do nothing. They can see every move on the court. They know how government should operate. They have the solution to ending famine, but in the end , its just knowledge and bable. You see, to live is a verb . And whether it be past tense , present tense or future tense when are are living in a solution, you are insulated in its ideology, obsessed with its ramifications and hell bent on seeing it through. its all that matters.  I think celebrities , successful business people are living in a solution. Every move they make is one toward achieving a goal. I swear , sometimes I just want to break my damn phone. I spend so much time on Instagram and Facebook worshipping  the falsified status and place of other people, that Im not living my own life.
Its almost like a drug. Every day I start with some crazy ass long list of what i’m going to accomplish and then I end up no where close to finishing it . the problem for me , I think , is that I’m not irritated enough with my current situation. I always talk about what needs to change but the burning desire to really act on it is fleeting . One minute the passion is there, the next hour , its all about articles online.  At this point in my life, I want so bad to change my current reality. Im making a very Big decision to act make my dreams a reality. It was so hard to decide my next move, but it was necessary.
we’ll see what happens.
Peace.
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