Blog post revelation
so the 12:01 am train was the last place I would find encouragement. I’m coming back from Madison square garden from the Washington marquette game. As I am chillin’ in my seat i start to eavesdrop on a conversation of a young man from seattle talking amongst his peers. He was talking about work, his girlfriend and life in general. Now just the general banter caught me at first, then he stated he met his girl at his dad’s church and how he asked permission about going to see his girlfriend in china who plays professional ball. When i heard church and pro ball ……… My ears perked up; i was hooked for the rest of the conversation. The one thing that he said that really touched me was his definition of success. He stated that his definition of success was to be the best father in the world to his children.over the last few months , I’ve sturuggled with really grasping who is the man that I want to be. At times I just want to mess around be a bachelor. Enjoying the spoils of the city. However it seems that god always reminds me of my true self in some way or another. I was inspired my that man’s statement. Because although I don’t want to admit it, I can’t be that callous playboy running through woman after woman. That is not my nature. I want to find one woman and be the best husband. The best father, yet despite the hopes I have for my self , they seem to fall by the wayside at times. There is so much temptation that at times I contemplate of putting that vision of my self on the back burner. After all I am trying to advance my career, and between all my studies and work, there seems to be no time for a real commitment. My dad says I’m scared; I’ve ways resented that statement. I don’t like to be painted as afraid of anything. However, I think there is a fear. Fear of not being able to provide, fear of not being enough for her, afraid of failure in general.
I can’t say when I will be relinquished of such thoughts I know they will dissipate some time. Until then…….God is good and I run the hood.