Life right now

It’s an interesting time right now . I feel doubtful . Never in my life have I used that adjective to describe my self . However , if I’m honest with myself , I have my doubts . Year 35 feels so packed with pressure and expectations. This unseen clock in my head has been going off, warning me of impending doom if I don’t follow through on what I said I would do . My dad and I were talking and he mentioned how you shouldn’t say things that your aren’t going to do . This habit develops a toxic relationship between your promises and your own belief in your self . I think I’m experiencing this right now . I don’t think I believe me and it’s scary . Processing this thought has been lost in the responsibilities of life and that pressure has affected my energy and had me looking for old vices to remove from my memory the current pressure . Looking for peace , clarity and direction .